happy family

Here is a picture taken of us at the Winter Park, FL fall festival on 10/28/06. I am sending a few copies out in some Christmas cards so I figured I'd post it here for you guys to see too. We've gone to this festival two years in a row now and I'm deciding to make it a family traditon. It's loads of fun and they offer these free photos there along with candy and other treats. Whole foods comes and gives out fruit leather and apples and the fire department brings a truck for the kids to see. They also have a tiny pumpkin patch of tiny pumkins and every kid gets to pick one out to take home. It's really a great time for all of us.

This weekend the area called Wekiva is holding a winter festival. We don't live in Wekiva but we are as close as a house can get without being in the limits. The place is great but I'm glad not to have an HOA. I took Curtis last year and it's great because they have Santa there and they let you take your own pics of your kid on Santas lap. So no overpriced mall Santa for us this year.

T

easy recipe

It's been a while since we had a food post so here goes. My friend Teri gave me this easy recipe about a year ago and I make it often. As you can see, even my picky eater son likes them. All you do is mix one can of pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie filling) with one box of chocolate super moist cake mix (lots of time Publix has this on sale B1G1 and you can find lots of coupons for these too). Don't prepare the cake mix, just stir it up with the pumpkin. It will be thick and sticky. You can put it in a bundt pan but I usually put it in muffin cups and come out with anywhere from 10-12 "muffins". Bake it for about 30 minutes for muffins at the temp suggested on the cake mix box. They are more like a brownie really and you can only taste a hint of pumpkin. If I have cool whip or ice cream on hand I will sometimes serve them with that, but they are good just plain too. Teri told me they are a weight watchers recipe and if you look at the box and can you will see that they are basically fat free and full of beta carotene. Not exactly a health food but with my son I take what I can get now-a-days. Plus they are not only low in fat but they are super inexpensive. Since we get 10-12 I usually freeze half a batch and they come out of the freezer great.

T

That's right

I did it. I wrote a novel. Revision time is in a few months because I need a writing break.

T

Go Magic!!!

Here is a picture of the Chapel de La Leche in St Augustine. We had a great trip two weeks ago and I recomend anyone to go if they have a chance. It is very serene and they have some beautiful sculptures in the garden there. You can buy church related stuff in the gift shop and I bought a couple of prayer cards that I find helpful.



We were offered free Magic tickets tonight but couldn't get a babysitter and the game isn't even on regular TV (we don't have cable). I'm bummed. I love going to NBA games and would have loved to watch them face the Hawks tonight. I have a not-so-secret crush on Dwight Howard, the Magic's center. He's only 20 but he is very nice looking and super talented. He's got some biceps on him to die for. Anyway I've always loved watching NBA basketball since I was a kid. I have these old scrapbooks I used to make as a pre-teen with all the newspaper clippings from the Philadelphia Inquirer of the Sixers articles taped into them. I was a big Charles Barkley fan and still love the Sixers, but since we're here in O'town now and get to go to some games, the Magic are my new #2 team.





Oh and well, you can also add Dwayne Wade to my list of NBA player crushes. That guy is super fine too. I daydream about bumping into him at a restaurant or something sometimes. He seems so cool in a super handsome way.





Anyway, there is my random rant about basketball. I have very little to say now-a-days and I'm just feeling a little bummed that we didn't get to take advantage of the free tickets tonight. My super sweet husband told me to just go with a friend but I have already had two night's out this week and felt badly leaving him here alone again. We're going to try to get tickets to a game next month and have MIL babysit. Our new plan is to do a date night once a month and she is always happy to babysit so we figured we'd do a Magic game for next month.





blah blah blah I know my blog has been boring lately. If you have a suggestion for something you want me to write about, just let me know.





T

one word from Frog

One-word meme
1. Yourself: desperate
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband: strong
3. Your hair: brown
4. Your mother/stepmother: lonely
5. Your dog: old
6. Your favorite item: book
7. Your dream last night: scary
8. Your favorite drink: tea
9. Your dream car: subaru
10. The room you are in: warm
11. Your fear: failure
12. What do you want to be in 10 years? published
13. Who you hung out with last night: family
14. What you're not: rude
15. Muffin: cranberry
16. Catalog: recycle
17. One of your wish list items: success
18. Time: hurts
19. The last thing you did: wrote
20. What are you wearing? blue
21. Your favorite weather: spring
22. Your favorite book: good
23. The last thing you ate: cocoa
24. Your life: ok
25. Your mood: trying
26. Your best friend: accepting
27. What are you thinking about right now? sadness
28. Your car: tan
29. What are you doing at the moment? typing
30. Your summer: hot
31. Your relationship status: perfect
32. What is on your tv right now? nothing
33. What is the weather like? cold
34. When was the last time you laughed? recently

comments

Thanks for all of the comments you guys. I know I sound like I'm giving up but that is the only way for me to survive the holidays right now. This is a tough time of year and I won't go into the reasons in case I offend a reader, but I'm struggling with bad memories from my past right now. I don't need added stress and disappointment of trying so hard for something and not getting it. I am not spoiled I swear. You can only understand if you've been throught this. I never understood what people were talking about before because Curtis came so easily for us. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won't. The fact is that being optimistic did nothing but make the pain worse so I really do feel like pessimism will help me. I really think we have a very slim shot so if it does happen I will be happily surprised, but if it doesn't I won't be excuriciatingly let down. I hope that makes sense.

I have got to go write or I'll get behind. I'm on schedule to finish my novel this week!!!

T

from Frog

[A is for age:] 31
[B is for beer of choice:] ichiban
[C is for career:] Mommy
[D is for favorite Drink] hot tea
[E is for essential item you use everyday:] toothpaste?
[F is for favorite song at the moment:] smilin' face by gnarls barkley
[G is for favorite game:] trivial pursuit
[H is for hometown:] Altamonte Springs
[I is for instruments you play:] drums, saxaphone, keyboard, some others I don't own now
[J is for favorite juice:] cranberry
[K is for kids?:] Curtis the fourth
[L is for last kiss?:] on my sons forhead while he cried from falling down
[M is for marriage:] 9/14/02
[N is for full name:] Tara Lynn Ann Lopez Fisher
[O is for overnight hospital stays:] I was born, I had a bleeding stomach ulcer, I gave birth
[P is for phobias:] elevators, planes, large crowds, snakes, etc etc (I could go on all day)
[Q is for quote:] “It's hard enough losing without the confusion of knowing I tired.” Neil Young
[R is for biggest regret:] giving myself to others too freely at a young age
[S is for sports:] is running a sport? or yoga? I love the Orlando Magic!!!
[T is for time you wake up:] 7:30 ish.
[U is for color underwear:] tan today.
[V is for vegetable you love:] green things like bell peppers and spinach.
[W is for worst habit:] ask my husband, I'm sure he'll tell you
[X is for x-rays you've had:] teeth and arm
[Y is for yummy food you make:] everything I make is yummy
[Z is for zodiac sign:] virgo on the cusp of libra

hello

I know I haven't been around much recently and the truth is you guys should be happy about that. I have been an angry unhappy person so I figured if you have nothing nice to type than you should type nothing at all.

Last week I finally got around to making the chocolate shortbread fingers from Martha Stewart's baking book and the truth is I just threw most of them in the garbage yesterday. They just weren't good. The recipe sounded good and all the ingredients were good but the end result was boring and even my almost 2 year old wouldn't eat them. So I took a picture before trying them but I won't post it since they were a bust.

As far as ttc, well I have decided to take a break.

Here's a little story to relate it to you. Before I met my husband I dated a guy for 9 months and was totally head over heels in love with him. One halloween I went to a party, unsuspecting of any trouble, and a girlfriend came up to me and said, "I'm so sorry about you and Troy breaking up." Needless to say I was shocked but I played it off like I knew and then spent the rest of the party trying to have fun while I was freaking out inside. Later at home I called his house three times before he picked up and told me he thought we should "just be friends". I spent a month trying to figure out how to win him back. Then I spent the next month working two jobs in order to keep my mind off my anger. Then I decided in the next month that the pain of that heartbreak was too much and that I would rather forego love and never have to feel that kind of pain again. Of course I eventually met my husband and even though I fought it he did eventually break down these barriers and we are now 4 years happily married. But I digress...

So here I am after my last month of ttc and my period coming last week and I have decided that even though I desperately yearn for another child, well...honestly the pain and heartbreak of getting my period each month after trying with my whole heart is just too much for me. So I have spent the past week trying to convince myself that I can eventually be content with this awsome family that I have, even if it is smaller than I would have liked. My husband and son are the best and my love for them is overwhelming (this is part of the reason why I wanted another). So I told my thoughts to my husband and while he is reluctant because...surprise, he now wants another one quite badly too, he agreed and said that his main concern is my well being.

I now spend my time day dreaming about what I will do once Curtis is off to school since it looks like I won't have another child to raise at that time. I have changed my future planning to only include my one child and while it is a struggle at times, it does make it much easier to handle the fact that I might never get pregnant again. Of course I'm not planning on using any contraception and if I'm going to look on the bright side of all this pain, it's nice not to have to worry about the pill or condoms or anything like that for once.

Blah blah blah...I should be writing my novel right now. I'm over 70% finished. It consumes my free time and even my daydreams right now, so I guess that is another "bright side".

Tara

No, I'm not pregnant

Needless to say I'm heartbroken and angry and sad. I called my midwife as it's been about 6 months of trying. I'm going in Thursday for bloodwork and an ultrasound to make sure my parts are in working order. I've been crying for two days straight and look like hell. I was extra surprised this time because it's the first month I actually had a good feeling about it all. I'm beginning to realize that I may need to face the fact that I will never give birth again and that makes me extremely sad and very jealous of all the people I know who got preg so easily recently.

I should go write since my novel seems to be the only thing I will be creating this month.

T

St. Augustine

Check out where we are going tomorrow http://www.missionandshrine.org/index.htm
I've been wanting to go for a while. Curt asked his mom to come babysit so he could take me up there for half a day. I'm looking forward to it and hope the weather is half as beautiful tomorrow as it is today. Afterwards we are window shopping in the historic district and then having adinner together. How nice to have a meal without interuptions from my sweet little boy!

T

word count madness

I just broke 16,000 words on my novel. My nanowrimo report card says I'm 33% finished and am on schedule to reach 50K words on novemeber 24th. I still haven't reached the big climax of my storyline and I guess that's a good thing since I still have 2/3 of the novel to write. I've been getting more detail oriented and actually came up with a great subplot today that I mapped out a little on scratch paper while in a spot of writer's block. Week 2 is much harder than week 1 was. I'm trying to take it a day at a time or I start worrying about how I'll write this much in only 30 days. I'm now afraid of what week 3 and 4 will be like. My morale is really high even with the slight writer's block today and I actually honestly feel like this might eventually be a publishable novel. I do think I use the words honestly and truthfully too much, so if anyone has any other ways to express this thought please let me know.

Oh yeah, in other news, my gym is closing down. Long story short they offer such cheap memberships that they can't afford to stay open anymore. They are honoring the rest of our contracts at Lifestyles Family Fitness so I went over there today to get a class schedule and check the place out. It's like night and day with my gym. Fancy equiptment with built in tvs with cable in them. The kids room is big with sections for each age group and video games for the older kids to play. The only downsides to the switch are as follows
1. My gym was all women and this one is not.
2. My gym has a hydrotherapy massage bed and this one dosen't.
3. After July when my contract is up I'll have to pay $7 more per month.
Honestly though this place is so much higer tech (if that's a word) and cleaner and nicer that I think I can over look those things and make it work.

T

stromboli semi-failure #2

So twice I've made stromboli in as many weeks and both times it didn't turn out perfect due to human error. The first time I forgot to let the dough rise enough so instead of having the filling in a roll it was more like stuffed bread with the filling all in the center. Not a big deal, right? So yesterday I made it again because I have therapy Monday nights and I figured it was an easy enough make ahead dinner for Curt and Curtis. So I followed the instructions perfectly and put it in the oven for 30 mins. I came in here to write on my novel and next thing I know it's more like 45 mins that has passed. I rushed to the oven and pulled it out expecting the worst but the truth is it wasn't that bad. It's a little dry from being over done and darker on the outside then it should be but once again...not really a big deal. I am definitely going to try again in a little while and next time no mistakes.

My nanowrimo novel has been coming along wonderfully until today. I'm 2 days ahead of schedule and 25% finished the novel but, I'm worried about my plot. I feel like I'm 50% through with the plot so I'm beginning to worry and second guess myself. What if I start writing the ending and I'm only at 30,000 words or something. Part of me feels like I need to rethink my plot and maybe take it in a slightly different direction and part of me thinks I should leave well enough alone and keep going at my great pace with my natural feeling plot and storyline. Since I'm almost two days ahead of schedule I do have the luxury of thinking this through for the afternoon.

T

writing fool

This morning the Jewish Community Center of Orlando had a big kids fesitval. We went and had fun even though the rides all cost a $1 each (seems steep to me for a 1 minute kiddie train ride). They did have some free kids crafts so Curtis made a cool leaf crown and a fruit loop necklace that he immediatly ate so all that is left is a colorful slobbery peice of yarn. Nickelodian (sp?) hotel was there advertising and Curtis got to meet Dora the Explorer and Blue from Blue's Clues. We had fun.

Things are coming along great with my writing. I am a bit above schedule and trying to keep it that way in case I have a bad day in the middle of the month or something. I must say I am pleasantly surprised at how well my story line and plot are coming together. I really can't wait to write the last two chapters and the ending.

I am feeling very optimistic lately and while I don't want to jinx myself the truth is I really feel like this was our month for baby making. I am already experiencing some symptoms at only 8 dpo (days past ovulation). It's hard to wait to find out for real but I've got about a week before I can test. For some reason I have just felt like everything came together perfectly for us this cycle and now these symptoms are making me even more optimistic. Every month so far I have just felt like it didn't happen so this is the first month that my intuition is telling me it did. I hope it's right.

Ok, so since I've already met my word count for the day I'm going to go watch some football.

Go Eagles!

Go Buccaneers!

hello

So I've been neglecting my blog, but I have a good reason. This year I am participating in the http://www.nanowrimo.org challenge. The goal is to write 50,000 words by the end of Novemember. It comes out to about 1,600 words a day and I'm already a head of schedule at over 4,000 in two days. I've always been told to write what you know but everytime I try that I stall out after just a few pages. So this time I have made up a character that is very unlike myself and the storyline is very fantastic and well, unrealistic for me at least. The amazing thing is, it's going great. I'm just flowing with it and while my back hurts from this stupid computer desk and chair and I'm super tired, I do feel proud and accomplished.

This combined with the fact that Curt is out of town until tomorrow makes my life a little stretched thin. I was worried about missing him too much so I over scheduled us with activities for these few days and now I'm just exhausted. Even so, I still have a date to meet a friend and her son at the zoo tomorrow morning. I would love to back out and just sit on the porch enjoying the cold front with a cup of tea and my son playing with a matchbox car at my feet, but she has already told me twice how much she's looking forward to it and I'd feel badly if I backed out. I've promised myself after I get my 1600 words done tomorrow during Curtis' nap I will do nothing else but relax and play with him here at home all afternoon. Curt will be back tomorrow night so I must get the writing done before he gets back.

So if I'm not around here as much this month, you now know why.

Tara