Friday, March 31, 2006

million errands

I wanted to post a pic of one of the paintings I worked on yesterday, so here it is. I did another one I really like but then thought it needed some red. So I added a red detail and it totally ruined it for me. I may try to recreate it because I really liked it before the red I added. This one kind of highlights my love (obsession) of the number three.

Today we ran a million errands. There was a grand opening for a new store called Fred's this morning. We went and got some gifts for being one of the first 100 customers. Then I got a new garden hose and sprayer end, some sandals, diapers, and candy all for less than $25. Then I finally dropped off my YMCA application, got gas, and went to the bank. I got what I thought were new ATM cards in the mail the other day and after I cut up my old ones I realized they were credit cards. So I had to go to the bank to get a temp ATM card until my replacment comes. I usually get gas and diapers at Costco but they only take AmEx or ATM so I had to pay too much at other places until my card comes in the mail.

This afternoon I'm supposed to meet my friend Teri at the mall play area. I don't really feel like leaving the house again but we already said we'd meet. I'll see how long Curtis naps and decided what to do about it then. Tonight we are going to the Magic game. Our friends gave us their season tickets and they are really good seats. MIL is babysitting and I'm really looking forward to the game. Curt and I haven't been out alone together in a long time.

Curt and I had a long talk last night about all my thinking lately and I felt good afterwards. He's smart and gives good advice most of the time. He still thinks I need to be on meds for my manic mood swings but I just don't want that (yet). I wish I could recreate our conversation here because it was deep and good and I'd love to have a copy of it.

Oh well, off to list stuff on ebay. I'm trying to get around to stuff I've been putting off today.


Thursday, March 30, 2006

spark more positive

So I wanted to come back today to put something down a little more positive. I haven't taken pictures, but I worked on three separate paintings today while Curtis napped. This morning around 11am we left to meet my MIL, step-FIL, and DH's Aunt Barbara for lunch in Mt. Dora. We went to the consignment shop afterwards but didn't find anything. Then we came home and it was during Curtis' afternoon nap that I went to the garage and began painting backgrounds. Slowly I felt the pictures arise from the backgrounds and I began the process of paint, let dry, paint, let dry. I'll try to snap a pic and post it soon.

I am determined to drop my application off at the YMCA tomorrow. I've been putting it off too long. Curt came home from his first soccer game in months last night just beaming. He apparently scored a "hat trick" and was happy with his performance overall. This inspired me to get more active.

My theory lately is that my life lacks spark. I realize there are all kinds of spark to lack. Excersize spark, love spark, creativity spark, musical spark, true friendship (IRL) spark..... I'm working on getting all of these sparks back into my life as soon as possible. The painting has started a glimmer of the creativity spark. Lately I wake from dreams where I've written songs and I later tape these ideas for songs onto my little tape recorder. This has musical spark potential. I hope to partcipate in classes (yoga etc) at the Y to get the excersize spark. And, well the love and friendship work is something I'll delve into later.

So let's end today's blog day with the positive promise of spark!


sorry ahead of time for the negativity

Well, I am a long time member of a message board that has caused me nothing but problems lately. Partly the fact that I don't respect most of the members but also partly the fact that I became obsessed with the board. Well, I have something angry to say to some of the members but will no longer go on the board so I thought I'd say it here just so I can get it out of my head, KWIM? Anger is such a destructive emotion so I don't want to waste much time on it. The sooner I can get this out of my head the better.

Here goes...

#1 - Who the hell do you think you are? You come here with a three paragraph long diatribe about why inductions are great because your friends all had them and your perfect doc says they are good and you site info that is plain wrong and you expect me not to respond. You tell me to look in the mirror but maybe you need to (and I don't mean to check out how big your diamond ring is and whether or not you should sell the one your DH picked out because it wasn't good enough for you). You are a know-it-all and love to continue to remind everyone about your college education. We don't care. I think your lifestyle is materialistic and wasteful and I am very very happy that when I look in the mirror I see a woman who is nothing like you.

#2 - I am sorry that one of my comments upset you and I can totally see how it did. I apologized and feel badly. Otherwise I am sick of hearing about how you know what is right for everyone and how terrible everyone is to you. You are always about to move, or get terribly sick, or be put upon by someone. You are the drama queen here for sure and it gets old quick. You boss everyone around and since it seems that most of the members have little backbone and no convictions, this works for you. Maybe if there were any strong members you wouldn't post as much because you wouldn't get the aquiesence you want.

#3 - You come on every once in a while and every post has a dollar amount. I spent $500 on this. I spent $600 on that. Guess what my friend makes for a living? Get a grip girl. We all know you married a rich guy. Quit rubbing it in. If you can justify spending $500 on a pair of blue jeans when children are starving, bully for you.

#4 - The rest of you. Congrats on being the most boring group of wishywashy nonfeeling women I know. Glad you aren't bothering yourselves with thinking about those less fortunate or anything like that.

Ok, well I know it is all harsh and exaggerated and some a little mean but since this is my blog I can say whatever I want and be mean if I want. I am hoping this is a catharsis to help me to stop thinking about how I wanted to respond to these people but refuse to get dragged down into an argument with someone who I neither respect nor think is intelligent.

Yes, I can be friends with people I disagree with. I just can't be friends with people I don't respect.


Wednesday, March 29, 2006


Today has been good and bad. This morning I went to my new playgroup. We had a new member's luncheon at the park and it was fun. I met a girl who lives a few blocks away and her daughter is 2 months younger than Curtis. I can't believe I forgot her daughter's name already but I remember she is Debbie at least!

Then I got home and went straight for my obsession....this computer. I updated my message board and found a post that someone wrote to me that was rather mean spirited (it's a long story really). It really upset me, but I think what upsets me more is how addicted and involved I am with the board. I am really overboard with it. It is a true obsession. I think I need a break from it for a while. I need to be spending time in real life with people that I have stuff in common with instead of spending computer time with people I have very little in common with. I come away from the board at least once a week feeling just plain bad, so why I do I keep going back? I've made a list of things to do while Curtis naps that don't involve the computer: learn guitar, learn spanish, sew more, crochet more, garden more, and paint more. These are all things that make me feel good about myself and proud.

Well, it's been a really rough past week and a half and this today just really has pushed me over. Combine it with PMS and I am feeling like my life needs a mini-overhaul. I'm going to go write and list about it because that is how I can plan something. I am going to need to be strict with myself about this stupid machine!


Tuesday, March 28, 2006


I've come to the conculsion that I am intolerant of those with differing opinions than mine on certain topics. I want to be open minded and happy-go-lucky but the truth is I feel strongly about some things and can't sit by while people talk about these things. If I were to see what I thought was an injustice, what would it say about me if I just sat and let it go? Well, I am the same way about things that don't really involve justice. I think my life would probably be much easier if I could just chill out and be less convicted on such topics as childrearing, recycling, care of pets/animals, birth, medical care, war, abortion, patriotism, etc etc. I spend a lot of time feeling anger and bitterness after hearing/reading comments from what I consider ignorant people. Wouldn't my life be so much easier if I just didn't care what they thought (or if I stayed off the internet)?



I had another episode of stomach pain and diarrhea yesterday and broke down and went to Urgent Care. Ironically today I feel pretty good and haven't even taken any of the meds they gave me.

I thought this article was great.
I was vegetarian and when I got sick last week ended up eating chicken soup twice. Now I feel like I should be vegan but it's very difficult when your DH is a big meat eater. I hate making 2 or 3 meals for us so we can each eat what we want. I really need to get my cholesterol checked again to see if all the changes I've made since January have done anything.

Really though, right now, I'm just happy to hold any food down!


Sunday, March 26, 2006

Past Blog

Past blog


IF you want to check past posts, click here:

sicker or more sick

I've never been more sick in my life. Or is it, I've never been sicker in my life? I have puked more and had more diarrhea than I care to remember in the past three days. I've lost 5 lbs and am down to 96 lbs total. I had to take my rings off because they were falling off my fingers. I have held down 2 peices of toast today and I'm praying they stick. I am soooooo hungry and having day dreams of a plain baked potato. Is this a good idea? This illness has me scared silly. I really have never been like this before and it keeps going on and on and on.... Somebody please help me!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Bad Week

Well, the Pediatric Urgent Care visit was awful last night. They pricked him 4 times and he was so dehydrated that he vein would collapse as soon as the needle went in. Eventually they got an IV in and we settled down some only for them to come back for the blood they couldn't get. Luckily this time it came on the first try.

The IV did help and he is now able to eat some and drinking unflavored pedialyte. I guess the flavored kind was just not to his liking. We went for a follow up with our PED this morning and he had diarrhea twice. The second time his diaper practically exploded all over me. It was sooo nasty and smelled and was dripping off me. The PED was so nice and gave me a jacket to wear home so I could put my shirt in a plastic bag instead and driving home in shit.

The diagnosis is Rotavirus. The diarrhea is actualy a good thing meaning the virus is finally able to work out of his little body. He is highly contagious and so we are stuck with each other for a few days at least. I'm already bored. At least he's napping in his crib today!

Off to do more puky laundry.


Tuesday, March 21, 2006

testing first message

Things have been crappy. Curtis woke Sat night at 10:45pm puking. He threw up several times that night. Yesterday he wouldn't eat or drink and just sat lifeless in my lap half awake. His fever rose and rose until it hit 102. I called my PED twice and she was so nice and not weird at all about me calling on a Sunday. I learned about pedialyte and feverall suppositories. After he held some pedialyte down I also got some motrin in him. Then he took a tepid bath and his fever was down to 100.9 when he went to bed last night. This morning his fever was 99.7 so that is good. He still is hardly eating. I've nursed him a bunch just because he likes it and it's the only thing he'll take in really. He sips at the pedialyte. We had to wake him and force droppers full of pedialyte every 10 minutes yesterday. It sucked.

Today he fought me and cried and whined and finally fell asleep on my lap. I needed to start laundry because every sheet and towel is dirty from his puking. So I wiggled out from under him and he is now asleep on my recliner. Poor guy needs rest and food and yet he fights a nap and will hardly eat today. My PED said it sounds like a stomach virus so I'm not really worried now but I was about to go to the ER last night when his fever was 102. I really hope it's a 48 hour thing and that he is almost back to normal by this time tomorrow. I know you guys can understand how heart breaking it is when your child is crying in sickness and pain and there is nothing you can do. I cried and felt so helpless. TG Curt was here and he was so helpful and strong about it.