Happy Birthday to me!

Most of the time a few weeks before my birthday I start to feel a little weird. I start thinking of all the things I have yet to accomplish. I start to feel guilty about the years I spent wasting my time in a lifestyle that didn't serve me well at all. I think of all the people that I know that have done so much more than I have in the past 34 years.

Well, this year I felt myself slipping down that path when I suddenly realized that I am actually in a really great place in my life right now. In this past year alone I have learned so much about myself and the life that I want to live. There have been mistakes along the way, but these were mistakes which taught me how to live my life more authentically and thus in a more joy filled way. So why not even celebrate my mistakes? It was a thought that had never occurred to me before, and yet it made so much sense and seemed so easy. Everything that happened to me over the past 365 days, good and bad, has created the person that I am now and is worth celebrating.

Actually over the past 2-3 years I have taken a giant leap in my life's education. I have learned how to have faith and how to believe and most importantly how to feel confident in myself. I have turned my focus towards gratitude and this act alone has changed my life in such a monumental way! And I do have so much to be grateful for.

So this year on my birthday I really celebrated. I celebrated this wonderful life that I have co-created with my husband. I celebrated the two wonderful sons that I have been blessed with. I celebrated the love and joy that my family shares on a daily basis. I celebrated the friends I made this year. I celebrated all the introspection and journaling and meditation I've done and the knowledge it has brought me. I even celebrated the loses along the way, because without them I wouldn't have gained the knowledge that I have now. I celebrated my intention for this new year to live a life full of only joy and easy relationships with those that I truly love. And here I am 2 days in and flying high with joy and love for my authentic self and the life I have been blessed with.

Life is so precious, focus on the blessings you have and fill your world with the things that bring joy!

Disney World trip part II

Here's Clark on the Dumbo picture opportunity.



And here he is in Winnie the Pooh's chair.



He liked Winnie the Pooh's play area a lot. He was so cute playing inside I had to take a photo here.



I took this photo during the parade. Clark really enjoyed watching all the characters go by and he kept yelling and waving and pointing over and over.



And last but not least a little photo of Clark in front of Toon Town. He really enjoyed exploring Mickey and Minnie's houses and especially enjoyed playing in Minnie's Kitchen, which had lots of cheese in it!

Disney World on my birthday!

That's right, Clark and I went to Disney World on my birthday last week. This year there is a promotion where you get in free on your birthday and since Clark is underage and gets in free as well, I figured what the heck! My birthday was on Sunday and after Labor Day so I figured it wouldn't be too busy or hot, and well one out of two ain't bad.




Here we are in front of the castle, which you can't see because the stranger I asked to take the picture kind of cut it off.



Clark had a blast at the two splash areas in the park. He just loves the water and it certainly was hot enough out that I wanted to jump in too.



We thought Mickey's cool pumpkins were neat. Clark really enjoyed going through Mickey and Minnie's houses.



The funny thing is when we got to the tent to meet Mickey and Minnie Clark begged me to take him in. Of course once we got to the front of the line he was a little shy and so I had to get into the photo too.



And lucky for both of us Clark took a nice little hour nap around 2pm. He woke up just in time for the parade. He loved all the shows and the parades the most. During this parade Woody from Toy Story came up to him and gave him five. He's never seen Toy Story so now I'm going to fish it out and play it for him to see if he remembers Woody from our trip.

I have some more cute photos to share so I'll do part II next.

Felt Crayon Roll

After my decision to scale back on facebook and start sewing more, I really dropped the ball big time. I've hardly been sewing at all. I'm not really sure why, but I was in a creative funk for a short time and wasn't doing much besides chatting online with friends and flipping through magazines.

I'm not beating myself up though, we all need a little time to veg out every once and a while and as long as it's serving it's purpose I'm fine with it. Recently I got to the point where it was no longer serving any purpose so I put a little fire under myself and found a nice little project to start.



Here is the felt crayon roll I made. I was planning on giving it to a little friend who turns 3 this month but it turns out we can't make his party. I may still give it to him next time I see him, that is if Clark is willing to part with it. The good news is I bought enough supplies (with Joanne's coupons of course) to make at least one more and the second one will be better because I did make a few boo-boos this time that I now know how to avoid.



Here it is opened up with the crayons showing. I got three boxes of crayons at OfficeMax for a penny each for this project. Yes, I was the woman up at the register paying for her purchases with three pennies. Add to that the fact that I also got a $5 off coupon for Payless shoes on the receipt and I'd call that a steal!



You can't really see the boo-boos in these photos, but there are at least two things I will improve upon with the next one. First off I sewed the ribbon in upside down in my confusion. It would be cuter if the pattern was on the outside when it is tied up, but I think it still looks ok. Secondly, I was working on my floor since I still haven't been able to move into my new craft/office/guest room and the cutting wasn't exactly perfectly straight. Add to that the fact that my pinking shears are really old and struggled to make it through three layers of felt and you have an imperfect, yet cute and usable crayon roll. I'm planning to try one for pencils out of fabric for Curtis sometime in the near future....hopefully more near than far this time.

Rain without Lightening

It's pretty rare that we get a rain storm that doesn't include lightening and we get a lot of afternoon showers this time of year here in Florida. So when the rain came the other day and there was no lightening and we were all feeling cooped up, we decided to just go out and get wet.



I can't believe I let my boys lay there in the puddle by the curb, but it was such a wonderfully free moment and I wasn't worried about them getting dirty at all.



I mean look at that smile! That is one happy and easy and free kid there splashing around in the rain in a puddle by the curb. This, to me, is really what the meaning of life is. The fact that I can provide the freedom for my children to experience such joy makes me feel like I am fulfilling my goal as their Mother.



There is something very grounding about being exposed to mother nature's elements. I am definitely an outdoorsy person, and my husband and sons are too, thank God. We all seem to need a daily conference with mother nature in order to remain sane in this crazy world and it is even more fulfilling when we can share that time together.



As I stood holding a giant golf umbrella watching my two boys laugh and splash and play with each other in the rain I felt more calm than I had in weeks. All of life's worries washed away and I couldn't help but smile.

So if you find yourself with your shoulders up by your ears and your teeth gritting, just go outside and have a little talk with good old mother earth. She's there for you whenever you need her, just be careful if it's lightening.

Good Transitions

The last couple of weeks have brought with them some good transitions for our family. Now I will be the first to admit that I'm not always the best at dealing with change, but what I've learned in my almost 34 years of life is that sometimes what you think might be a rough transition turns magically into a smooth and wonderful transition.

For example, take our decision to move the two boys into the same bedroom. We had planned to do this all along, but took the big leap at a time when we were frustrated with sleep issues and preparing for some house guests. Maybe this didn't seem like the best time to try this new set up, but my intuition told me to take the leap and boy am I glad that I listened. Ever since the original night that they slept together, we have been sleeping great here in the Fisher house. Now after a few weeks of this arrangement both boys go to sleep in the most gentle and peaceful way that I could ever wish for. I have never let them CIO (cry it out) and I am so happy that they are now safely sleeping together in their own room.




Originally we just slapped Curtis' mattress on the floor in Clark's room because we had limited time before our house guests arrived. This weekend we measured and moved and yes, dropped a dresser on my toe, as we set this wonderful room up for the boys. Bloody toe aside, I couldn't be happier with the look of the room. There is still work to do in the other bedroom which I am happy to announce will soon be our guest/craft/office room. I will finally get my husband's office out of my bedroom and be able to move my sewing machine off the dining room table! I am so excited to be able to lay out a bunch of craft supplies and be able to walk away mid project without having to put everything away. I am equally excited to get the files and computer and business phone out of my bedroom and away from the place where I relax and replenish my soul each night.



The other major transition has been school! Yes, school is already back in session down here and we have been lucky again this year. There was very little stress involved in this transition as well because the school Curtis is attending this year is the same one he attended last year with the same teachers and even some of the same students. Curtis loves the Complete Soccer Academy and I have already noticed a change in his attitude after only a week back.

It is also amazing to me how much I enjoy those few hours of alone time with Clark three days a week. Sometimes I forget that I never got the kind of one on one time with Clark that I did for the first two and a half years of Curtis' life. Spending the mornings with just him is so different than when Curtis is around and I'm really grateful that both boys get what they need from this arrangement.

So I guess the lesson in all of this is that I should never fear change or transitions because they are often times smooth and gentle and leave me in a situation even better than where I was in the first place
(especially when I listen to my intuition).

Check out these cool bikes!

I'm so going to win one!

Where have I been?

All over the place really. See my Mom came down to visit us! It was great and I had fun playing tourist and showing her around. We don't do all the regular Orlando touristy things like theme parks and such. We have way more fun doing more outdoorsy things. My Mom is just like the boys and I (or I should say we are like her) because she loves being in nature too!



We went to Kelly Park and played in Rock Springs. It is so nice there, but the Springs are pretty cold at only around 70 degrees year round. The swimming area has a shallow area which is perfect for the boys and they also had fun playing on the beach area too. Curtis played with the cool boat Grandmom brought down for the boys and we all went for a nice picnic and hike where we saw caves and turtles and fish and streams.






Clark also had lots of fun reading in bed with Grandmom when she visited. He has recently begun to love reading books. See before the visit we switched things around and now the boys share a bedroom and we use the other room as a guest room and soon we will move my husband's office in there and my sewing machine too. I can't tell you how happy I'll be to have my husband's office out of my bedroom and also to have an area to do crafts. It's been an amazing transition since the boys now both go to bed so easily and sleep through the night with no problems at all. It so warms my heart to see them both so cute and cuddled up sleeping next to each other in the same room.



Grandmom also helped us bake cookies. We used two of the recipes she passed down to us that we love and naturally Curtis was happy to help clean up.



And finally, here is a shot of them at the beach. This was one of the best beach trips this summer. The forecast was bad but we went anyway and had the best weather. We both commented on how hard it was to leave that afternoon. It was such a relaxed trip. We threw some towels and sandwiches and toys in the car and took off. The weather was glorious and I couldn't have asked for a better visit with my Mom.

Unfortunately she is back up north now, but Curtis has asked almost daily since she left when we are going to visit her, so it shouldn't be long before we see her again, and this time maybe she'll be taking us site seeing!

Tough Love

We've been experiencing some moments of tough love around here lately. Who would've known that our folks were right back when they said it was harder on them then it was on us. It took a husband, two kids, and a mortgage before I could really understand my parents and trust me, I'm not sure how they did it with three of us without going completely insane.

One thing I know is that it is my job to teach my sons how to respect others. It's amazing how these little beings come into our lives, such blank slates, and end up teaching us more about ourselves then we could ever imagine knowing. My sons have been really sending me to school lately with lessons on self respect and confidence. That's right, it takes a 4 year old with an attitude and a 1 year old learning about independence to teach me how to respect myself. Through their button pushing, stalling, and down right defiance I have been forced to acknowledge my own self confidence levels. Do I deserve to be bossed around by a 1 year old tyrant or a 4 year old despot? Do I deserve to be listened to (within reason) as if I matter beyond just clothes washer and food preparer? Do I deserve a moment of time to myself after hours at a park or event for the kids?

Well, folks, my answer to these questions is finally a resounding Yes!

I'll admit that my family goes through cycles of disrespect and that I am as guilty as the rest of them. It is with all of this knowledge that I have set a new intention for my family to express our respect for each other every day in every way possible. I mean, sometimes it's just the small things that do it for me. Think of the times your significant other has tip toed out of the bedroom to give you an extra few minutes of sleep, or the kids have given you a spontaneous bear hug, or the times when your whole family finds themselves laughing and dancing in the kitchen after dinner for no reason what so ever. These are the moments in life that I am cherishing right now. These are the moments that I am trying not to let slide by while I am distracted by the TV or paper or internet or my own mind. These moments are the true purpose of my life right now.

It really is amazing to me how much I love these two kids. Sometimes I look at them and am just blown away by the fact that I have two sons! But here's the hitch, the fact that I love them forces me to sometimes put us all through some pretty uncomfortable emotions. If I don't have enough self respect for myself and love for them to gently teach them how to respectfully treat those around them, who will? The last thing I want to do is send my boys out into the world under equipped for dealing with social interactions in a respectful and peaceful manner.

So yes, there has been some serious boundary re fortification around here lately and while it is really uncomfortable at the time, I am holding strong to the belief that teaching my children to respect others is an important lessons and that they will be better people for it.

Making Playdough

Yesterday afternoon, while Clark napped and the afternoon rains came, Curtis and I got bored. He wanted to make a craft but gave me a "no" to all my old standbys. So I had a light bulb pop over my head as I remembered the homemade playdough recipe that I had. It's the same recipe we used in my house when I was a child and it is very quick and easy. Basically you throw the ingredients into a pot and stir it over medium heat until it forms a ball. The fun part about making it with a preschooler is that he first gets to choose whatever color he wants and help stir before playing away the afternoon creating until his heart is contented.



Curtis decided to make blue playdough and had lots of fun stirring it on the stove.



He took this photo of me helping to stir once it got pretty stiff.



First he made some garages while I made cars to go in them. This is a reoccurring theme in our play now-a-days. He is such a boy, always focused on the garage and what goes in it.



Here he is with the alligator we made together.



And of course once Clark woke from his nap he had to get in on the fun too.

I would recommend this craft to any parent of a preschool looking for something cheap, easy, and fun to make on a rainy day. We have it now stored in a zip top bag and have already pulled it out a couple times since yesterday afternoon. Curtis was so proud of himself for making it that he has told almost everybody he has seen since, so it is also a wonderful and simple way to boost a little guy's confidence.

Playdough

Combine 1 cup flour, 1/2 cup salt, 2 tsp cream of tartar, 1 tablespoon vegetable oil, and 1 cup water (with 10 drops of food color added if you choose to color the dough) in a medium pot. Stir over medium heat until it forms a ball. Remove from heat and let sit until cool enough to play with.

Learning to help others

Our church is doing a school supply drive for the homeless children in Seminole County. I decided this would be a good chance to teach Curtis about the value in helping those less fortunate than us. We went shopping for a backpack and filled it with school supplies and the church will be giving it to a homeless child from the county.



I decided to pick out all girl stuff since I won't really get much of a chance to do that in the future. Curtis really liked picking out the folders and pens to fill the pack up with. I tried to discuss the importance of helping others while we filled the pack, and I'm not sure if he's too young for this lesson or not, but you gotta start somewhere, right?



Clark tried to help out too, in his own way.

Curtis moved to level 2

Curtis has been taking swim lessons at our city pool for two summers now. Since we don't have a pool ourselves (yet?) he doesn't get much chance to practice so he's been repeating level one over and over. Well, on friday we celebrated his graduating to level 2 finally. He was very proud and excited to get to level two where, as he put it, "we have to swim harder".




Here he is on the first day of class in level 2.



He loves bobbing on the side of the pool waiting for his turn to swim.



And here he is learning to swim!

Sunday Mornings

I've had a couple crazy weeks in a row so I thought a nice post about my favorite morning might be a pleasant change of pace.

We have recently started a new tradition where we go to church Saturday evening at 5pm and then go out to eat afterward. I've fixed my budget so that we can afford to eat out or get take out once a week and this works out well after church on Saturday. I really look forward to the one night off from cooking and cleaning and the kids love the change of pace. Curt usually takes this as his opportunity to eat red meat since I rarely cook that at home. So it's a win/win/win/win situation. It's never anything fancy, but even a Costco pizza eaten together at the park is a nice change of pace for all of us.

So, this leaves Sunday mornings as our free time on the weekends. It's so nice to wake up and lounge around in PJs watching TV and flipping through the paper with my family. Sometimes I might get up and make some special pancakes and sometimes we all might just snack on cold cereal, but we do it together and that's the main joy.

Nothing makes me happier than enjoying a nice cup of tea while my boys play quietly on the floor in their own imaginary worlds.





Sometimes Curtis might take a break from the elaborate car chase he is staging to check out a show on TV.



And finally we break out the big Sunday paper and divide it up. Curt goes straight to the sports section, even though he finds baseball season disappointing. I sort through the mountains of coupons, always on the look out for a way to save another buck. And the boys huddle together over the most recent Toys R Us catalog, listing out loud all the toys that they want from Santa this year.



A relaxing Sunday morning at home with my family is sometimes just what the doctor ordered. It reminds me that what is really important in this life is not what kind of car I drive or what name brand my clothes are or what other people may think of me. The most important thing in my life is my family and I have been blessed with such a wonderful one that I can't think of a better way to spend Sunday morning.

Want to Know What's Amazing?

It's amazing what you can do with yourself when you are not obsessing over Facebook. I've recently taken a 'break' from facebook and while I was afraid I would go into serious withdraw, the reality has been that I've been feeling truly happy and free and living life. The irony is that I have my blog set up to update my facebook account automatically so some people may actually be reading this on facebook.

Recently, you see, my life went a touch topsy turvy. In hind sight I could totally see where it had all been building for a while, but of course in the throes it always seems so shocking when life changes out from under you. I took a long hard look at things and couldn't for the life of me figure out why I was continuing to invite things that mostly brought negativity into my life. So I decided the first step was to stop looking at facebook cold turkey.

I picked facebook because it seemed to be only adding to the stress in my life. Plus it had become an obvious time sucking obsession with me. I kind of anticipated it being hard to stop, but was really surprised by how wonderful it's been. Suddenly I feel like I just quit some kind of part time job where I felt the need to constantly read status updates from people I may or may not know very well at all.

So I've made a decision to do more living of life and I really like the idea of being constructive with my time right now. I've been feeling a pull to get out the old sewing machine for a while now and this seemed like the perfect time. I have some really cute ideas for things I'd like to sew that are just beyond my skill level, so I've challenged myself to make as many easy projects in the next 3 months as I possibly can with the goal being that 'practice makes perfect' and I will thus improve to the level I wish to be at.

All of this coincided well with a little girl's 5th birthday party in which we were invited. Since we are presently on a spending freeze due to the financial month from hell in June (doc bills out the wa-zoo), I turned to my fabric stash and my trusty bag tutorial to make this cute little tote for her.



It turned out ok for a rusty novice sewer. I painted her initial on the pocket and used some rick-rack from my stash for the straps and embellishment.



After that I got an idea for different pockets and decided to wing it. I think this one turned out ok for a novice sewer making it up as she went. I once again used scrap fabric and notions. While there are a few imperfections, I'm not going to beat myself up since it was made with practice in mind.



As it turns out, it is the prefect tote for carrying around a certain 4 year old's Bakugan collection. He has also now placed an order for a replica of Diego's Rescue Pack. I'll have to think on that one....

Seasons of Life

"To everything, turn, turn, turn, there is a season, turn, turn, turn..."

This song has been spinning in my head the past day or so, and really the sentiment has been in my subconscious for much longer. What if I could look at life as if it was a big collection of seasons? Perhaps when a part of your life changes or you lose something dear to you it is actually a natural cycle passing through and leading you onto better things. I wonder why we, as humans, are sometimes very shaken by any change in our lives. I also wonder why we are so quick and easy to remember how we have been hurt by others and yet seem oblivious to how we have hurt others. Human nature confuses my logical mind and it seems especially stressful during these times of change.

I've spent a good portion of my life feeling such intense sadness due to 'endings'. When school was over, or the summer was over, or Christmas was over, or a friend moved away, or I moved away...and so on and so forth. Even the smallest endings like those of a beloved tv show going off the air could send my childhood self into nights of fitful sleep and days filled trying to conceal my quiet sobbing. I believe the pain comes from some very subconscious self-love issues I have surrounding the possibility of being rejected. I spent the greater portion of my life wishing I was someone very different than I am and after reading A New Earth last year I finally began my journey towards understanding how to embrace authenticity. Maybe it's time to dust it off and re-read it again.

I certainly am not going to say it's been an easy journey or even that I am anywhere near the end (or even the middle for that matter), but it is a journey I am very happy to be on. In my present life when I'm faced with change I try to remind myself, while acknowledging the emotions, that in the end of every season comes the beginning of another. Sure I like Spring a lot more than Winter, but without Winter I'm not sure I'd know how much I love Spring.

For several years in my late teens and early twenties I unconsciously decided to take the easy way out. It was much easier to use escapism to hide from my lack of self love or even self respect at the time. I embraced escape readily at the time whether through drinking, partying, boyfriends, school, or even, at times, sleep. As you can probably guess this didn't really help me progress in my quest for self love. In fact I eventually found myself in the ICU with the lowest self esteem I had ever experienced. After three days of blood transfusions and liquid diet I was sent back out into the world with a new goal. I think it was this pivotal experience in my life which taught me that a lot of the things that I want in my life might take hard work and even suffering.

It started out rocky, and I am always the first to admit that I am far from perfect, but here I am 9+ years later a much healthier women with a wonderful husband, children, and family life. I am thankful beyond belief to God for looking out for me throughout those "lost years" and getting me to the point that I am at today. And yet, still those old thoughts creep back in, and especially in the times of life's seasonal changes. I begin to hear the tiny voice in my head that says that "they deserve better" or that "they'd be better off without me", or that "I am a horrible friend/wife/mother/daughter/sister/niece/neighbor/fill in the title". I've learned several constructive methods for dealing with these times in my life, but I personally believe that there is no perfect and thus there is always room for improvement, so I keep trying. Ever since that time in my life I have always tried to strive for progress in my life and lots of times it takes writing things out like this for me to really be able to see things clearly. I would really like to write my thoughts like this more often, because it really does bring me closer to clarity.

I feel like I am now embarking on the beginning of a new season in my life which may involve professional help, metaphysical help, the support of true friends and most definitely a good bit of introspection and quiet meditation. I face this time with both sadness and excitement and hope that I am blogging in the near future about all of the wonderful progress I've made.

Part Two ; My boy wears a patch

Here is what he looks like now for 6 hours every afternoon. I'm not going to say it hasn't been a struggle.

It turns out that one of Curtis' eyes is much stronger than the other. In fact, the weaker of the two even 'wanders' on occasion. Because of this we need to cover the better of the two eyes thus forcing the weak eye to work and build the muscles bigger.

It's hard for him because he is stuck using a very blurry very weak eye. It's hard for me because I hate to see his beautiful face covered by this patch and the glasses. I just want to rip it off and hold him and protect him from all the things that hurt, but I know that this patch is what he needs. If he was to skip wearing the patch he would continue to favor the other eye to the point where the weak eye would eventually become usless and possibly even cross in completely.

So you can see why it is very important for him to wear his patch each afternoon, but I'm sure you can also see why it is not a fun transition for him and for us as his parents. We are keeping a sticker reward chart and trying our darndest to make it fun and put a positive spin on it, but I'd be lying if I told you I'm not hoping beyond hope that when we go back in September that they tell us it has healed and that we can go down to maybe 2 hours a day instead of 6.

On top of it all you might be able to see his fat lip in this photo too. Poor guy can't catch a break. While playing at the playground on a balance beam while wearing the patch he fell and busted his lip pretty badly. The lesson learned here was, no balancing activities while wearing the patch.

Tae Kwon Do

We recently won a free week of Karate Camp and decided to take advantage of it now while Curtis is taking a break from swim lessons. Unfortunately he had to have a little procedure done on a plantars wart on his foot and had to sit out these next three weeks of swim lessons. The fortunate part is that we got to cash in the free week of camp.




It's been an interesting time. There is a wide mix of ages at this camp and he seemed very shy the first day, but warmed up today.



Today he came home showing me the blocks that he learned and talking about a new friend he made, so that helps my heart a little.




My poor boy has gone through so much this summer already with the glasses, eye patch, foot procedure, that I really am struggling to see him process all of this. I am still hoping that he will grow to like the camp even more tomorrow and we will even consider signing him up for classes if he desires. Mostly I just want him to have a little fun outlet for the emotions that go along with all of these transitions this summer.

My boy has glasses

So the only bit of excitement we've had around here lately has been medical, unfortunately. The first bit of excitement was a shocking visit to the eye doctor. As it turns out, to our surprise, my boy has pretty poor vision. We were shocked because neither Curt nor I need glasses.



As you can see he looks pretty cute in the Spongebob bikini bottom blue glasses he picked out. I, as his mother, am still getting used to the change. It is pretty crazy how a pair of glasses can change the way a little boy looks.



He has taken to wearing them pretty well. At first he threw a small fit, but I think once he figured out that they actually helped him see he was really ok with them. I looked through them and can't believe he can see through them, but I guess that's because I don't need them, right?



So this may seem like the happy ending to the story of a boy and his glasses, but it is not. Please stay tuned for the next part of this story, which will be called My boy wears a patch.