The pain I have felt over the past several months from losing my dec 04 group online has stuck with me no matter what I have done. I have tried tonight to figure out why. I believe it reminds me of all the pain I've felt from so called "friends" hurting me over my life time. I specifically remember a group of girls in Junior High who made a big point of not including me in a new year's celebration and also tried very badly to keep it a secret. I also remember a college friend ditching me for another and then laughing and pointing out a physical flaw I have. Now I had these people kicking me when I was down and the truth is while I spend all of this time thinking of them I feel pretty sure not one of them thinks of me at all, good or bad.
The pain of these three and other painful "friendships" has hurt me deeply and I don't believe I ever once recieved a sincere apology from any one of the "friends" even though I know I deserved it from all of them. Deep down I crave the sincere apology but mostly I just want to stop thinking about this pain. I am better off w/o these people in my life. I am on the path to greatness and when I was in this specific group all it did was bring me down.
It is a dead weight lifted from my life causing me to float upwards to new heights. I am better and will just continue to get better day in and day out. I don't need to worry or give even an inch of thought to them any more after this post. I am living my life for the present and right now my present is great. I love my cute and smart and exciting son. I have a loving and caring and fun husband who will always be there for me and never hurt me. I am intelligent and have the freedom to follow any pursuit of knowledge I choose. I live in an beautiful and bright house in a wonderful town. I am strong mentally and physically and the healthiest I have ever been. I am making new and caring friends in real life all of the time. I have everything I need right here and don't feel the need to search online for a "connection". I am complete just as I am and I will continue to grow is positive ways day after day.
I am OK now.