Wednesday, June 07, 2006

18 months ago today

I was birthing my little baby boy. I wish I could say we've had a wonderful day so far but...well...honestly he's being a little punk this week. He's a little stuffy so I wonder if he is having trouble with his nose.

Anyway I got two books from the library yesterday that I'm so eager about. One is Disease-Proof Child by Dr. Furhman and the other is Easy to Love, Hard to Discipline, and I don't have the author here with me for that one.

Well, the Dr. Furhman book has me overwhelmed only one chapter in. I flipped around through some of the rest and pretty much feel like a huge failure. I wish I ate better than I do and I wish I knew why Curtis eats so little. I want to do better, but honeslty this book just makes me want to give up.

The other dicipline book is going well so far. I've only read the first chapter and haven't skimmed at all. I feel like I've only gotten an introduction of what the author plans to teach me so far and it seems great. I'm hopeful, but not going to beat myself up if I'm not perfect at the technique within a week. I tend to do this to myself when I get jazzed on an idea and can't manifest it in a short period of time.

My main reason for all this reading is that I feel like I'm failing my son. I feel like I'm feeding him all wrong and teaching him bad behavior. I will be the first to tell you I'm far from perfect. I have a short fuse and I am VERY moody. I wonder if a better diet would help the moodiness and I'm pretty sure that only self-dicipline will help the temper. I just hate going to bed each night feeling like I didn't give Curtis all that he needed.

Actually, I am leading you to believe I eat a bunch of junk but I'm not too bad. I am almost fully vegetarian and I eat very little dairy. I probably eat too many refined sugars still, but I am trying. Trust me, even the healthiest eater in the world would feel insecure after reading what this guy prescribes. I am not doubting him. In fact I admire him and wish he would come stay with me for a week and help me get on tract. It's just very overwhelming, I guess.


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