It seems to me like most days can be summed up with some lyrics from a Stevie Wonder song. Sometimes I look at my sons and think 'isn't he lovely'. Or some days I feel like I'm living in a 'past time paradise'. Or sometimes I think that love is definitely 'in need of love' today.
Tonight I come to the end of the day and I just know I need to go 'have a talk with God'. I crave some organization to all my thoughts. For several nights now I lay in bed so physically tired and yet my mind goes over and over thoughts of encounters in person, on line, on the telephone. I replay how it went, how it should have gone, how I wish it had gone, until it's 4am and the baby is waking up to nurse.
Tonight I want to lie in bed and have that talk with God, and ask him to organize these thoughts and file them away in the great big file cabinet that is between my ears. Keep them in some manila folders somewhere just in case. Lock the cabinet so they can't come flying out at the least opportune time only to scatter dust and send me careening back to my past and my poor interpersonal relationship skills.
On nights like this I want to tell God about it all. I want to gossip to him and brag to him and cry on his shoulder until it's all gone and I can just be empty...and happy...and free. I want him to be there to listen completely without any judgment, or distraction, or advice.
And then I want to sleep a deep dreamless sleep and wake feeling so restored and well rested.