Sunday, August 24, 2008

Some thoughts on addiction and marriage

I used to struggle with addiction. If there is such a thing as an addictive personality, I had it. I think for me it was about low self worth and low self esteem. I had to keep myself busy and full with substances or people so I wouldn't face the fact that I didn't believe I had any worth as a human being.

Once I hit my rock bottom I did face that and it wasn't something I just took on and moved on from. There was a long period of time where I wrestled with my own personal demons.

Now I'm in a completely difference space. In fact I believe my non-co-dependency is actually having a negative effect on my marriage. I'm at a place in my life where I do crave alone time and as a mother to two young children I don't get it much. So when they are both alseep or playing I push my husband away so I can go inward with myself and pay myself the attention that I distracted myself from all those years before. Obviously this doesn't make my husband happy, and he is a very touchy feely lovey dovey guy to begin with. I then end up feeling guilty for taking this time for myself and not forcing myself to cater to his emotional needs before my own.

I know this is also all tangled up with my hormones, as there are times of the month when this is a big issue and other times when there is no issue at all. Can you guess which time we are in now? LOL

1 comment:

Heat said...

not being co-dependent is never a bad thing. really. does your hubby get alone time? does he take over all of the house/child duties when he gets home so you can have down time so you can spend time together once the kids are sleeping? there are solutions - it's just a matter of finding one that works for your family. but being co-dependent ain't it.

congrats to you on getting yourself into a better space :)