better...knock wood

Here is Curtis with the fruit bouquet my parents sent to me for my b'day. I've been fascinated with these things for a while so I was really happy to recieve it. Curtis liked to chew up the purple grapes and spit out the skins and I have been enjoying the rest of it all weekend.

Things are sorta kinda looking up around here. We are still dealing with bugs but Terminix is coming Friday and will hopefully take care of them.

I got an oven off of freecycle this weekend. Curt and his step-bro Richie went and picked it up in Maitland in Richie's truck. It's not as nice looking as mine but it works and was free. So, we moved mine out to the garage because I have not given up on it and I plan to figure out how to get my hands on a replacement thermostat and get it up and running again sometime in the future. Until then, I'm using this freecycled one that works fine and looks so-so.

This AM I went to the Chiro and had an adjustment and accupunture. Then I had a great yoga class at the gym so we had a pretty good morning. Curtis went down for his nap with no trouble and has already been sleeping for almost an hour and a half which is great for him. I cleaned the bathroom and surfed the net and then had a snack of pistacio nuts and strawberries. I'm trying very hard to stay away from junk food and it's difficult. I don't really have any in the house but I did see a half empty bag of chocolate chips in the pantry and can't stop thinking about it. So...here I am.

Yesterday I started a plan to write once a day for about 20-30 mins. I've started a short story and I think I just need dedication to finish it. So that is where I am off to now.

T

squeegee, ridiculous, muffin, and rhinoceros.

It’s a meme I got from my friend Frog. She gave four words and we are to write something about each of them. My words are: squeegee, ridiculous, muffin, and rhinoceros.

Squeegee - Is a very funny word. Not many words have a q and 4 e's in them. I don't own one but when I worked out in Yellowstone Nat. Park I learned from the gas station attendents in the park how to use one on my car windshield in a manner that leaves no spots or streaks. You basically squeegee in an upward motion from the middle of the wiperblades up and curve out towards the side of the car. Hard to explain, but everytime I do it at a gas station I think of Yellowstone Nat. Park.

ridiculous - Is actually a hard one to spell without looking it up. Things around me seem ridiculous a lot of the time. What would the definition be anyway...."deserving ridicule, absurd". Sounds like my life now-a-days.

muffin - I like this word because I love to bake. I try out new recipes all the time and I have a really good blueberry muffin recipe that calls for oats and sour cream. DH hates it because it's a little healthy, but I love it. Right now my oven is broken and I have no idea when or how it will be fixed or replaced. It makes me sad that I can't bake a cake or casserole or bread or even some muffins.

Rhinoceros - This is one of the animals in Curtis' plastic safari animal set that gives me troubles. Who knows what noise a rhino makes? I can do a monkey and elephant and lion and tiger noise but then we get to rhino and I just make a kind of adapted lion roar. Giraffe is another one and for that I make a crunch noise like it might sound eating a leaf from a tree.

***That was random but fun and since I have nothing but complaining to do now-a-days it spared anyone reading from my whiney attitude. If you want to play your words are loaf, necklace, Mary, and calendar. Leave a comment and I'll read what you have to say about it.

T

ugh

Not doing well at all here. More ticks have infested. They came back and sprayed more this AM but it looks like we're going to have to buy a package where they come every other month for a while. Keith next door said he had the same prob and they just got worse not better until he scheduled regular sprays of the house and yard. It'll be $60 a month and that'll be tough.

I've never felt more defeated in my life. I'm not preg, Curtis woke with a cold yesterday, we have bugs, our roof died, our A/C died, my oven is still dead and I turn 31 tomorrow. I'm struggling and Curt can't help because he is also bummed about it all. Actually, he isn't upset at all about not being preg because he thinks it's still early and likes the "trying" best anyway, but he is also pretty bummed about the bugs. I went for a long drive last night at 9:15pm and rolled the windows down and played loud music and tried to quiet the storm in my mind. It didn't work too much but my friend Teri called this am and I talked to her for a while and she gave me a pep talk that helped some. It's usually easier to be logical with other people's problems and I kind of did the same thing for her back in July when she turned 34.

Anyway, I'm going to go burn some candles to get rid of the poison smell in my house and try to clean up a little. I still haven't been grocery shopping this week and have no idea when I'll get there. MIL wants to take me out tomorrow for lunch so we're meeting at Fazoli's since it was my choice. Otherwise, I plan to lay really low for a while.

Neil Young said, "It's hard enough losing with out the confusion of knowing I tried." and boy was he right.

Tara

TTC and AF and all that craziness

This has been one of the worst days for me this year. So much went wrong including my Curtis woke suddenly and unexpectedly sick with a cold, my dog and house are re-infested with ticks (this is our second infestation and these things are freakin bionic we can't get rid of them), I got a low temp, I got spot, and a ton of other little things along the way. At one point I started bawling crying and Curtis came over, looked at me, and started bawling too. He's been extra clingy due to the cold so we hugged and cried together and it actually made me feel a little better.

I POAS this morning to get a BFN and then spot came this afternoon. I saw my chiro this morning and he did some lower back adjustments that he said should help loosen the nerves in my reproductive area to help TTC. I'm scheduled for some accupunture a week from today and he plans to do it on my lower back and abdomin to help "open up" the area. I really love this guy because he's the only medical doc I've ever had that has really listened and cared. I hope what he does helps.

It's only been three months but now each time I get AF I feel like such a failure. I know each time we only have like 25% chance and that it is perfectly average to take this long but since I conceived Curtis on the second try I just feel like it must be something I'm doing wrong. I really didn't want a summer baby in FL. This is such a mind blow.

As I promised myself this next month will be different. I'm focusing on my love for DH and DS and our desire to grow our family and I'm taking the focus off of desperatley temping and checking myself etc. Of course I will be aware of these things, but I PROMISE myself for my own good to relax more about it.

Ok, I wrote a novel because I really needed to vent about this crappy day I had.

T

For some reason this pic wouldn't load.

4th anniversary

Today is my 4th wedding anniversary. We just got back from our long weekend vacation so we decided to go low key. We ordered Chinese and exchanged gifts. We decided weeks ago to make gifts this year. We looked up the traditional gifts for the 4th anniversary, which are flowers and fruit, and made the rule that the gift had to be hand made and incorporate those items in some way. Here are our projects. I made Curt the abstract painting which incorporates some sandollars we found on our vaca and he made me the apple painting. Curt also brought me a bag of mini crunch bars because I've been craving these for weeks and he actually paid attention to what I was saying this time around. Yum!

T

Vaca

Well, we're back from our short vacation. We went for 3 days and 2 nights to New Smyrna beach w/o Curtis. This was our first time away from him over night and it went well.

We rented a condo from Curt's HR lady and she gave us a great deal. The weather was perfect and the sea was a little rough but there was a pool too so we didn't mind at all. The room had cable TV in the living room and bed room so we were loving it (we don't have cable). I stayed up late in the bed room watching food network while Curt was in the living room watching the sci fi channel each night. We got lots of relaxation and time to hang together. We were romantic and playful and relaxed and came home to our happy little son yesterday afternoon.

He did seem a little weird when we first got home but was back to normal in no time. Curt had today off too and I've gotten a ton done while he and Curtis had some time together. I vacuumed and swiffered and used a borrowed carpet shampooer. Tomorrow I plan to take a yoga class at my gym for the first time if I don't chicken out. I haven't officially worked out in 4 days althought playing shuffleboard and frisbee should count for something. I've been wanting to do a yoga class for a while but keep chickening out since I'm so shy at the gym. It's just easier to put on my headphones and run on the treadmill. I think I'll really like the yoga since I loved it when I did it years ago and it should help some with my obsessing over fertility. Still have about 5 days or so before AF is due so we're still waiting to see around here.....it stinks.

Tara

breaking

Everything is breaking around me recently. In the past three months I had to spend $5K on a new A/C, the $3K of our money and $6K of insurance money on a new roof. Today my oven broke on me. What the hell is next? Curt's job is in serious danger. We found out the day before we were supposed to spend the day in Disney and he had to stay and work that day to meet the boss of the company that just took over his company. Who knows what will happen. I'm trying to stay happy and optimistic but it's hard.

We did go to Disney on Saturday instead so we didn't get to see the Wiggles but we spend a long tiring day at the park as you can see.

T