Thursday, August 10, 2006


We had MNO last night but only 2 other girls showed up. After a short while it became clear that I was the only one who didn't smoke pot or drink every night. Am I the only one who thinks drugs and alcohol ruin lives? Am I the only one who thinks it's wrong to get high while your toddler is sleeping in the next room? One girl has been TTC for almost 2 years and is just nowing trying to quit. She says she can't sleep w/o it and yet denies being addicted. The denial is amazing. I left feeling disgusted, outcast, and sad.

Curtis hasn't slept well in three nights. He's up crying a bunch and I eventually just go to sleep on the floor in his room. I am beginning to worry becuase he hasn't had trouble sleeping in a long time. DH thinks it's just teeth or growing pains and maybe he's right but I still worry and pray about it.

So this morning I'm all introspective. I worked out long and hard at the gym and realized that I am over critical of myself and others all the time and that I also have anger issues. I don't want to be that type of person. I decided that everytime I criticize someone, whether outloud or in my head, I need to follow it with an instant compliment. I had to use this twice as I watch two women at the gym. I figure if I catch myself everytime and reverse the criticism maybe I will eventually stop being so critical and negative. I'm big onto long term solutions right now. I'm just pluggin away at the gym hoping and waiting to gain more endurance, we keep doing the deed and hoping for a + preg test soon, and I will keep my mental state in check until I no longer need to.

I want to also join the anger support group at church and sign up for the Spanish class at the SCC campus near my house. This is my game plan. I figured it might help me to write it all down.


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