ugh

Not feeling great today for many reasons.

Sometimes the internet can be a great thing for an isolated SAHM, and then sometimes it can be the worst thing. Sometimes I get too involved in a discussion that turns into a debate that then commands too much of my attention with ignorance and negativity. I blame myself for letting myself get involved in that sort of thing and it has put a little bit of a damper on my weekend.

I have a headache that I'm hoping means my period is coming since I'm a little overdue.

The weather is cloudy and cool which is a nice change but kind of adds to my blah feeling.

I haven't cooked in days and feel like I'm spending too much $ on take out etc. That being said I had some awsome sushi from a place in Lake Mary last night. We used to frequent this place called Lee's Palace all the time when we lived there. Yesterday we went to LM to get Curtis' first haircut at a special salon for kids (hence the above pic). IT actually didn't go as badly as that pic makes it look. Afterwards we spur of the moment decided to pick up the sushi and it was great.

I'm gonna go shower now.

T

Wednesday

We went to the splash pad in Winter Springs today and met up with a few friends. Curtis is still very hesitant about the splash pad and any other water type activities. He will run through while holding my hand but once I let go he is right back over by the fence. This pad is nice because it also has a little kid's playground so once he was tired of the water we went over and played some more over there. I didn't get any pics because he really doesn't let go of my hand much. It's too bad because I'd love to have a pic of him spashing in the fountain.

Curt and I had our same sex fight last night. He wants it all the time and I hardly ever want it. I always feel so guilty but it also feels like I'm in high school with him saying, "Please, I'm all backed up." I mean...seriously....Oh well. I'll give in soon, it just wasn't happening last night.

T

MIL Nightmares and Sod

I never would have guessed how crazy my MIL could make me in just two days and two nights. It was bad and needless to say I will be saying no from now on when she wants to visit for more than an hour or two. I can't believe how much she can disrespect me in my own home in front of my own husband who then procedes to either laugh or ignore her attitude. Curt and I had a long talk about it and I do understand that with our strenuous work resodding he was a bit out of it and thus was not really able to "stick up for me" like I believed he should, but still..... It has become clear to me that this will become a big item of contention between us if we don't deal with it. I have tried and tried but I think she is a toxic person and I truly believe that the only way for me to retain a sane marriage is for me to avoid her at all costs. This is not going to be easy since she lives so close (and might be moving closer) and she is constantly calling, emailing, begging to visit.

After this week's visit I am taking a no-more-Mrs.-nice-gal approach and just saying no more often. She can visit with Curtis a resonable amount of time but that's it. I guess I'm back to screening my calls again too. I can't tell you (or anyone for that matter) how upsetting this is to me. I really don't want this and I know it puts both Curt and I in a hard place, but I have tried and tried and bent over backwards to let this woman into our lives and all I get is criticism, complaints, attitude and disrespect. According to her I must not do anything right and my self-esteem cannot handle weekly assaults from her.

I'm sorry to dump this negativity here but it does help just to share my feelings. I'm praying that we will be able to find a balance that I can enjoy and she can deal with. On the bright side, she leaves for a 3 week vacation this Friday.

Sooooooo, we are both so sore and tired from resodding, but it is worth it. The backyard looks great and we got some rain yesterday too! We are going to take such good care of that lawn after all the manual labor we put in. I will never do that again because it seriously was the hardest work I've ever done. I've also convinced Curt that we should get rid of the big shed and get a tiny one for just the lawn equiptment and then we can put this portable pool I got in that spot. A friend I met online who owns a pool company sent me this portable pool for free because she only had four left and they were no longer going to sell them. I figure we can have it all done by next summer and maybe I'll be big and preggo and able to float in my own pool during the hot months of 2007. Plus I think Curtis will really like it too. It looks like it will be easy enough to care for on the instructions on the package and I'm hoping the pump doesn't up our power bill too much since it's such a small pool (12' diameter).

Here's a look at my little guy trying to help my big guy resod.

T

Post Easter Blahs

Here we are after church on Easter Sunday all dressed up (this is rare).

Well, I've been feeling blah lately. I just feel tired and achy all the time. Our weather has been a little cloudy but that is actually good because it's keeping the Florida heat down. I've been doing my yoga again at night hoping that will help but unfortunately I've been bad in every other aspect of my life. I'm eating junk food like crazy (I blame the holiday), I'm on this computer and in front of the boob tube way too much, and I have not written, painted, sewed or crocheted since the day before Easter. One thing at a time, I guess. So I'm off to do laundry and hopefully finsh a painting I started a week ago and then abandoned.

T

Easter basket

Do you find yourself wondering what I made for my son's easter basket? Well, here is a picture of the bunny I made for him. It is only so-so but I'm ok with that. I used fabric from Joann's clearance rack. The patterned fabric has oranges and other citrus fruit on it so I'm calling this my Florida Easter Bunny. I'll post pics from todays egg hunt and of his whole basket this weekend.

T

Easter Bunny Visit

I've been on the computer a bunch today and still haven't come here. Oh how I'm sure my millions of readers are upset (sarcasm). I have several things to say but have only uploaded a few pics.

So here is Curtis at the Altamonte mall with the Easter Bunny. They let us take pictures ourselves which is good since they were charging $16.99 for one 5x7! Robbery, I say! Isn't he the cutest little guy on a scary bunny you've seen?

T

continued

Here are the two boys playing in the sand.

Birthday Bag

Yesterday we went to a birthday party at Downey Park in Orlando for a little girl named Sofia who turns two this week. We played like crazy and had pizza and Sesame Street cupcakes. It was great. Curtis and his buddy Adam (see previous post) had the most fun playing in the sand on the volleyball court. The two of them were so cute crawling through the sand and trying to throw it at each other. Curtis still can't throw things quite right. He seemed to let go of the sand while his hand was right overtop of his head thus showering himself with the sand instead of pelting the friend he was aiming at. We left for home very tired, dirty, and full of sugar.

This is a picture of the bag I made from these directions http://www.supereggplant.com/archives/000216.html for the birthday girl. I was a little unhappy with it and made a second one that I was actually even more unhappy with. I'm still working on my technique. Thanks do go out to my DH for doing the lettering. My hand is not steady enough for it to look nice enough for my perfectionist mind.

T

Visiting Sebring

Yesterday we drove the two hour drive down to Sebring to visit my Aunt Vera, Uncle Carl, Great Uncle Roscoe and Mom-Mom (grandmother). This was the first time Curtis got to meet his great grandmother and great-great Uncle Roscoe. We had a good visit even thought it was really hot and they don't have their AC on yet. My Aunt made some great food for us and Curtis actually ate a lot.

My Uncle Roscoe gave me a box of chocolates and a bag of his wife jewlery. My Aunt Clarinda (Kendy) died several years ago. Recently Uncle Roscoe moved into a religious retirement community and tried to sell off a lot of his belongings. Well this jewlery was the stuff that didn't sell. There is a lot of turquoise and some of it seems like it came from trips abroad. I found out yesterday that my Uncle Roscoe used to work for Howard Hughes in Las Vegas. The family rumor is that he has lots of money but I never realized that he was a supervisor under Howard Hughes. He and his wife never had kids and we really like each other so he has kind of taken us under his wing. He is very religous and it makes him happy that we have found a church here that we love.

On that note, I start my sunday school teaching tonight and I'm nervous and excited. I hope it goes well and is fun. I know once I get there and get started it will be okay.

T

as promised

Here is the pic I promised.

MIL strikes again

I don't have much to say but I wanted to post a picture. Here is a shot of Curtis and his buddy Adam (22 months), my friend Teri's son, playing on the cars in the mall. Aren't they cute? We had fun.

Today has been pretty blah. We went to the park. Then he napped and my Mom called and I talked to her the whole nap. Oh yeah, get this, my MIL called because her DH is going out of town for 4 days w/o her and she wanted to know if she could stay with us. I asked if she was scared to stay alone and she said, "No I just want to spent more time with you guys." WTH, she is over here every week, calls 3-4 times a week, and emails every day. How much more involved can she be. I hemmed and hawwed and I could tell she was sad. She ended up saying, "Well, I guess we could at least meet for lunch." I mean, what a terrible place to put me in. I seriously could not stand 4 days straight, weekdays mind you, of he telling me I'm mothering wrong. There is no way for this to end nicely. Can I just say ARGH!

T

Ok the pic won't load. I'll try tomorrow.

Good Day

Well, so far I am having a good day so I thought I'd blog about it.
First off, maybe you heard that UF won the NCAA title last night. I'm not into college basketball as much as NBA, but Curt and I have been following the championships this year and of course we've been pulling for Florida. Curt stayed up til almost midnight last night watching the game. I woke up once or twice to his cheers but otherwise he was able to stay pretty quiet. He asked me to buy the paper today so we can add it to our collection since this is the first time Florida has ever won. We have a collection of newspapers from days when big events take place, so this will be a nice addition.
Second, I talked to a woman at church this morning and it looks like I am going to be an assistant teacher in a sunday school class on Sunday night from now on. They have been asking for volunteers for a while now and I was really moved by the sermon last week so I signed up. The sermon hit on one topic that was basically saying that if you spend less time focusing in on your own emotional pain you will have more time to be closer to God. You can actually listen to the sermon at http://www.northlandcc.net/ if you want. Since I seem to have too much time to "focus on my emotional pain" I thought helping out at church was the perfect answer. I love the church and the childcare/sunday school system they have is outstanding. Sunday school starts at age 3, and I will either be in the 4 or 5 year old class. Basically they give you a curriculum and there are two teachers per class. One is the leader and the other is the assistant. The outline I have says it involves taking attendence, reading stories, singing songs, doing puppet shows, etc. It sounds like fun to me and I can't wait for Curtis to be old enough for it. Right now he just goes in a room with toys and plays. I totally understand that they can't really try to teach a kid that young. So, I can't believe it since I've never known much about theology or elementary education, but I think it's gonna be pretty cool really.
The third cool thing is just that I went to good will today to drop off some old clothes and found a bunch of good books. I got two for me and three for Curtis for less than $4. One of the books I got for myself is a memoir written by a famous English professor who actually taught one of my professors at UNCG.
I've been reading a blog for a few months now by a Vegan woman who just gave birth. Here she is http://www.knockedupvegan.com/. Well, just looking at the pictures of her little one has me thinking about number two. I actually had already been thinking about it but the pictures just make we think more. We have a little plan to start trying in October but I started to wonder if that is waiting too long. I definitely don't want another December baby, but a spring baby sounds nice. If we wait until October we will be having a late summer/early fall baby. That sounds fine but mean being big and preg in the hottest month in Florida, not to mention hurricane season. Oh, I don't know. One day I think I'm ready now and the next I wonder if I really want another at all. It's scary and I know it will be hard but I just can't imagine not experiencing pregnancy and labor and birth and breast feeding and infant again. Just because I feel this way I'm adding a pic of Curtis right after he was born. Ahhhhhhhhhh, sigh.

T

Hello Monday

Yesterday's church service was great. My church is really awsome www.northlandcc.net. I've never been a member of a church like this and I've only been going here regularly for about 2 years. I signed up this weekend to help with Sunday School. It surprises me because I know little about theology or elementary education, but they have everything already planned for you so I'll just be helping out and following the lead of the leader. The paperwork says it could involve computer sign ups, attendence, puppeteering, singing, etc. I'm a little excited about it as it sounds like fun.

At church they talked about how we should all stop focusing on our own emotional pain. Dr. Hunter talked about how this is a great way to help yourself become closer with God and thus a happier person. I'm hoping that my volunteer work at the church will help me to spend less time focusing on any emotional pain I have. It really makes sense to me.

Today we slept in really late, I'm sure due to daylight savings. Then we went to the library storytime and then Merrill Park. The park is great because it is all in the shade and it has gotten hot here. We ate sandwiches and goldfish crackers I had packed as a picinic. Now Curtis is napping and I am getting ready for my MIL to come babysit while I got to my chiro appointment.

T

Saturday, in the park

You know you're getting old when the great events of a Saturday include going to Joann's, Home Depot, and the park.

I got to go to Joann's all by myself while Curtis napped and Curt worked on his new sculpture. Usually I have to take Curtis and he isn't very patient when his Mommy stands in front of the clerance fabrics for an hour trying to decide which fabrics match for a new bag she's making. I scoured the clerance bins all through the store and got some neat stuff for a bag I'm making. It is for a little girl named Sofia who is turning two years old this month. I also bought 3 canvas boards with my 40% off coupon for a total of less than $4. It will be fun to paint on something besides corrugated cardboard.

It's hot here and this room is the hottest in the house so I'm going to keep this short. I think it's almost time to turn the A/C on but I'm trying to avoid it as long as possible since our power bills have been low lately (well, not really low with all the raised rates, but lower than when the A/C or heat are on).

T

million errands

I wanted to post a pic of one of the paintings I worked on yesterday, so here it is. I did another one I really like but then thought it needed some red. So I added a red detail and it totally ruined it for me. I may try to recreate it because I really liked it before the red I added. This one kind of highlights my love (obsession) of the number three.

Today we ran a million errands. There was a grand opening for a new store called Fred's this morning. We went and got some gifts for being one of the first 100 customers. Then I got a new garden hose and sprayer end, some sandals, diapers, and candy all for less than $25. Then I finally dropped off my YMCA application, got gas, and went to the bank. I got what I thought were new ATM cards in the mail the other day and after I cut up my old ones I realized they were credit cards. So I had to go to the bank to get a temp ATM card until my replacment comes. I usually get gas and diapers at Costco but they only take AmEx or ATM so I had to pay too much at other places until my card comes in the mail.

This afternoon I'm supposed to meet my friend Teri at the mall play area. I don't really feel like leaving the house again but we already said we'd meet. I'll see how long Curtis naps and decided what to do about it then. Tonight we are going to the Magic game. Our friends gave us their season tickets and they are really good seats. MIL is babysitting and I'm really looking forward to the game. Curt and I haven't been out alone together in a long time.

Curt and I had a long talk last night about all my thinking lately and I felt good afterwards. He's smart and gives good advice most of the time. He still thinks I need to be on meds for my manic mood swings but I just don't want that (yet). I wish I could recreate our conversation here because it was deep and good and I'd love to have a copy of it.

Oh well, off to list stuff on ebay. I'm trying to get around to stuff I've been putting off today.

T

spark more positive

So I wanted to come back today to put something down a little more positive. I haven't taken pictures, but I worked on three separate paintings today while Curtis napped. This morning around 11am we left to meet my MIL, step-FIL, and DH's Aunt Barbara for lunch in Mt. Dora. We went to the consignment shop afterwards but didn't find anything. Then we came home and it was during Curtis' afternoon nap that I went to the garage and began painting backgrounds. Slowly I felt the pictures arise from the backgrounds and I began the process of paint, let dry, paint, let dry. I'll try to snap a pic and post it soon.

I am determined to drop my application off at the YMCA tomorrow. I've been putting it off too long. Curt came home from his first soccer game in months last night just beaming. He apparently scored a "hat trick" and was happy with his performance overall. This inspired me to get more active.

My theory lately is that my life lacks spark. I realize there are all kinds of spark to lack. Excersize spark, love spark, creativity spark, musical spark, true friendship (IRL) spark..... I'm working on getting all of these sparks back into my life as soon as possible. The painting has started a glimmer of the creativity spark. Lately I wake from dreams where I've written songs and I later tape these ideas for songs onto my little tape recorder. This has musical spark potential. I hope to partcipate in classes (yoga etc) at the Y to get the excersize spark. And, well the love and friendship work is something I'll delve into later.

So let's end today's blog day with the positive promise of spark!

T

sorry ahead of time for the negativity

Well, I am a long time member of a message board that has caused me nothing but problems lately. Partly the fact that I don't respect most of the members but also partly the fact that I became obsessed with the board. Well, I have something angry to say to some of the members but will no longer go on the board so I thought I'd say it here just so I can get it out of my head, KWIM? Anger is such a destructive emotion so I don't want to waste much time on it. The sooner I can get this out of my head the better.

Here goes...

#1 - Who the hell do you think you are? You come here with a three paragraph long diatribe about why inductions are great because your friends all had them and your perfect doc says they are good and you site info that is plain wrong and you expect me not to respond. You tell me to look in the mirror but maybe you need to (and I don't mean to check out how big your diamond ring is and whether or not you should sell the one your DH picked out because it wasn't good enough for you). You are a know-it-all and love to continue to remind everyone about your college education. We don't care. I think your lifestyle is materialistic and wasteful and I am very very happy that when I look in the mirror I see a woman who is nothing like you.

#2 - I am sorry that one of my comments upset you and I can totally see how it did. I apologized and feel badly. Otherwise I am sick of hearing about how you know what is right for everyone and how terrible everyone is to you. You are always about to move, or get terribly sick, or be put upon by someone. You are the drama queen here for sure and it gets old quick. You boss everyone around and since it seems that most of the members have little backbone and no convictions, this works for you. Maybe if there were any strong members you wouldn't post as much because you wouldn't get the aquiesence you want.

#3 - You come on every once in a while and every post has a dollar amount. I spent $500 on this. I spent $600 on that. Guess what my friend makes for a living? Get a grip girl. We all know you married a rich guy. Quit rubbing it in. If you can justify spending $500 on a pair of blue jeans when children are starving, bully for you.

#4 - The rest of you. Congrats on being the most boring group of wishywashy nonfeeling women I know. Glad you aren't bothering yourselves with thinking about those less fortunate or anything like that.

Ok, well I know it is all harsh and exaggerated and some a little mean but since this is my blog I can say whatever I want and be mean if I want. I am hoping this is a catharsis to help me to stop thinking about how I wanted to respond to these people but refuse to get dragged down into an argument with someone who I neither respect nor think is intelligent.

Yes, I can be friends with people I disagree with. I just can't be friends with people I don't respect.

Tara

obsession/addiction

Today has been good and bad. This morning I went to my new playgroup. We had a new member's luncheon at the park and it was fun. I met a girl who lives a few blocks away and her daughter is 2 months younger than Curtis. I can't believe I forgot her daughter's name already but I remember she is Debbie at least!

Then I got home and went straight for my obsession....this computer. I updated my message board and found a post that someone wrote to me that was rather mean spirited (it's a long story really). It really upset me, but I think what upsets me more is how addicted and involved I am with the board. I am really overboard with it. It is a true obsession. I think I need a break from it for a while. I need to be spending time in real life with people that I have stuff in common with instead of spending computer time with people I have very little in common with. I come away from the board at least once a week feeling just plain bad, so why I do I keep going back? I've made a list of things to do while Curtis naps that don't involve the computer: learn guitar, learn spanish, sew more, crochet more, garden more, and paint more. These are all things that make me feel good about myself and proud.

Well, it's been a really rough past week and a half and this today just really has pushed me over. Combine it with PMS and I am feeling like my life needs a mini-overhaul. I'm going to go write and list about it because that is how I can plan something. I am going to need to be strict with myself about this stupid machine!

T

intolerant

I've come to the conculsion that I am intolerant of those with differing opinions than mine on certain topics. I want to be open minded and happy-go-lucky but the truth is I feel strongly about some things and can't sit by while people talk about these things. If I were to see what I thought was an injustice, what would it say about me if I just sat and let it go? Well, I am the same way about things that don't really involve justice. I think my life would probably be much easier if I could just chill out and be less convicted on such topics as childrearing, recycling, care of pets/animals, birth, medical care, war, abortion, patriotism, etc etc. I spend a lot of time feeling anger and bitterness after hearing/reading comments from what I consider ignorant people. Wouldn't my life be so much easier if I just didn't care what they thought (or if I stayed off the internet)?

T

hopeful

I had another episode of stomach pain and diarrhea yesterday and broke down and went to Urgent Care. Ironically today I feel pretty good and haven't even taken any of the meds they gave me.

I thought this article was great.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/26/national/26vegan.html?ex=1144040400&en=0b01b2b435b54d9e&ei=5070&emc=eta1
I was vegetarian and when I got sick last week ended up eating chicken soup twice. Now I feel like I should be vegan but it's very difficult when your DH is a big meat eater. I hate making 2 or 3 meals for us so we can each eat what we want. I really need to get my cholesterol checked again to see if all the changes I've made since January have done anything.

Really though, right now, I'm just happy to hold any food down!

T